Parents, Love Your Children

     The Christmas message from a father whose son was shot to death is simple but compelling: Parents, love your children while you can.
     Fred Kudym, with wife, Judy, at his side, said so last week after a 19-year-old was sentenced to 55 years in the death of their son, Joel.
     Even the defendant's attorney called it a senseless crime. But Fred Kudym said his religious faith keeps him from hating the person who did this hateful act.
     This morning the Kudyms will "have a good cry," Fred said, as they gather around their Christmas tree and the angel ornament hung in Joel's memory.
     Joel graduated from Central High in 1996, and it hadn't been easy. He had learning disabilities, and his dad spent an hour or two every night helping him with his studies.
     An English teacher at Central, John Keenan, noticed the love. "I really admire you and even envy your ability to never give up on your youngster," Keenan wrote. "In my 38 years of teaching, your relationship with your son just stands out in my mind as the ideal."
     "I can recall many instances of the opposite occurring: kids being kicked out of their homes; kids being physically abused by a parent right in front of me; the verbal abuse by parent and student toward each other. ... What I remember so well is the obvious feeling and respect Joel had for you."

Outdoorsmen

     Fred, 48, a structural estimator for State Farm Insurance Co., brought up his three sons to be outdoorsmen like their grandpa, also named Fred Kudym. He is a retired State Farm agent and former President of the Nebraska Council of Sportsmen's Clubs.
     Besides Joel, the sons are Jason, 26, an aviation institute graduate of the University of Nebraska at Omaha who hopes to become a commercial airline pilot and Chad, 23, a graduate student at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.
     Chad, a straight-A student at Central, won a full-ride Peter Kiewit Foundation scholarship to UNL, majoring in Geography. He is now studying satellite photography of forestation and related environmental matters.
     Keenan, the teacher, noted that Fred Kudym never held Chad's

accomplishments up to Joel, but rather was able to "make a distinction between the two and appreciate the value of both youngsters."
     Chad has set up an Internet Web site http://ulysses.unl.edu/ckudym/mem.htm in Joel's memory.
     Chad writes of the family trips to Colorado and Joel's love of downhill skiing; of Joel's passion for music and dancing; of his job mowing at ConAgra headquarters downtown; of his docile personality.
     "He shunned violence and didn't even like it if someone raised their voice at him," Chad writes. "Joel probably didn't even realize the danger he was in when he pulled up next to the vehicle whose passenger had been harassing him a few miles back."

Father's Day

     June 18, on Nebraska Highway 50 north of Interstate 80, the 19-year-old in the other car threw "bottle rockets" at Joel's car. Then came tragedy.
     Fred learned of the shooting when Joel's girlfriend called on her cell phone. At first it was thought he just had a shoulder wound.
     Three days earlier, on Father's Day, Joel had presented a card saying how much his dad meant to him, how much Joel loved him.
    "We had breakfast on the patio," Fred recalled.
     Joel would have turned 20 on July 27. The family held a birthday party in his memory. They wrote messages to Joel and attached them to ballons, which were released skyward.
     The family is active in the Lutheran church, and Fred said he won't hate because it's not Christian. But accountability is something else.
     In a letter read in court before the sentencing last week, Fred wrote: "I did my best to protect him from the dangers of this world, but I couldn't protect him from someone carrying a gun and using it without respect for human life. .. It's time we send a message to society that this type of violence will not be tolerated."
     This week, Fred said he believes that God is using him to get a message out: Children are a gift. Love them unconditionally.
    "I also firmly believe," he said, "that Christmas is the best time of year to lead your kids to the Lord."